My mother has mid-late stage alzheimers.
Initially, I moved her in with my ex-wife and I. After living with her for about a year she would constantly tell us how much she hated it, hated us, etc (this is not the mother I knew growing up of course) and she would steal / hide things (both hers and not hers), such as her purse and make accusations of theft fairly constantly. Denies she has a problem, and even when I take her to the neurologists she fits every minute of it and refuses to take any medication. For those who have a loved one and has gone through this, my heart goes out to you. So incredibly tough.
Ultimately, I made a very tough decision to place her in a memory care facility. She still hides everything (including, say her cell phone, toilet paper, toothpaste, and incontinence pads) all over the place (say, inside a trash bin, under her mattress, inside her shoes, etc) and accuses the staff of stealing it.
As she was constantly hiding things and was a bit of a pack rat in her life, we thoroughly sorted through her belongings (sometimes with her help, sometimes without it, and occasionally against her wishes -- ie she was irate that we gave away her unused king size bed to the homeless that wouldn't fit in our home in any case) when we moved her.
Since that time, I've divorced and had to downsize my home. I'm going through another purge, including my own things now as well, and as I find momentos and things that make mom happy I'm taking them to her in her facility. But her room is jam packed now.
The memory care is expensive but she has some money still (~$350k or so) which will last 3-4 years. I doubt it will be enough to see her through, but that's a problem for a different day.
I'm on the last few piles of "stuff" and her jewelry is sitting there staring at me. I don't feel I can give it to her (she would hide it or lose it), there is no one in my life that would want it (only 1 female remaining in the family tree and it's not her style), so it just sits there.
It doesn't take up much space but it's something I fret over because I have kids and people come into the house and even when things are locked up, kids find a way into it. She doesn't need the money (yet) and I feel awful selling it because she talks about it from time to time, unlike all other possessions...
I don't know. Maybe I'm just asking for permission here... but would like people's points of view. It's mentally and emotionally draining for me and I'm looking for a solution.
Initially, I moved her in with my ex-wife and I. After living with her for about a year she would constantly tell us how much she hated it, hated us, etc (this is not the mother I knew growing up of course) and she would steal / hide things (both hers and not hers), such as her purse and make accusations of theft fairly constantly. Denies she has a problem, and even when I take her to the neurologists she fits every minute of it and refuses to take any medication. For those who have a loved one and has gone through this, my heart goes out to you. So incredibly tough.
Ultimately, I made a very tough decision to place her in a memory care facility. She still hides everything (including, say her cell phone, toilet paper, toothpaste, and incontinence pads) all over the place (say, inside a trash bin, under her mattress, inside her shoes, etc) and accuses the staff of stealing it.
As she was constantly hiding things and was a bit of a pack rat in her life, we thoroughly sorted through her belongings (sometimes with her help, sometimes without it, and occasionally against her wishes -- ie she was irate that we gave away her unused king size bed to the homeless that wouldn't fit in our home in any case) when we moved her.
Since that time, I've divorced and had to downsize my home. I'm going through another purge, including my own things now as well, and as I find momentos and things that make mom happy I'm taking them to her in her facility. But her room is jam packed now.
The memory care is expensive but she has some money still (~$350k or so) which will last 3-4 years. I doubt it will be enough to see her through, but that's a problem for a different day.
I'm on the last few piles of "stuff" and her jewelry is sitting there staring at me. I don't feel I can give it to her (she would hide it or lose it), there is no one in my life that would want it (only 1 female remaining in the family tree and it's not her style), so it just sits there.
It doesn't take up much space but it's something I fret over because I have kids and people come into the house and even when things are locked up, kids find a way into it. She doesn't need the money (yet) and I feel awful selling it because she talks about it from time to time, unlike all other possessions...
I don't know. Maybe I'm just asking for permission here... but would like people's points of view. It's mentally and emotionally draining for me and I'm looking for a solution.
Statistics: Posted by 2tall4economy — Fri Oct 25, 2024 1:32 am — Replies 0 — Views 2