We have 2 adult daughters. Daughter #1 is age 41, married 15 years to a doctor, has 2 children, and doing well financially.
Daughter #2 is age 37, married 12 years to a musician, just had a baby girl using IVF. She is a physical therapist who stopped working for a year when the pandemic started and has only worked part time since then. Her husband has a doctorate degree in piano performance. For the past 7 years he has tried unsuccessfully to find a full time university position as a music professor. Instead he gives private piano lessons and performs at different venues, such as music festivals, religious organizations, and retirement communities. He has travel expenses associated with these tours and does not net much money as a result. He inherited some money from his grandparents. Both my daughter and son in law seem to spend their money as fast as they get it on fancy cars, a home that is too expensive for their needs in my opinion, eating out several times weekly, home furnishings etc. The house is worth almost $1 million and over the 12 years of their marriage they have traded up 3 times. His mother initially paid cash for their first home and they own the present house free and clear. The mother continues to pay for many of their living expenses which I don't approve of since they will never learn how to budget or live within their means. She had 2 rounds of IVF before she had a successful pregnancy. The cost has been about $90,000 which has wiped out most of their savings, excluding their IRA accounts. They hired a doula for the delivery and another doula to come to the house each day for at least a month. We think these expenses are unnecessary since he isn't working and can assist with the baby until my daughter is recovered. We know they are hurting for money since he is trying to sell his $30,000 piano that his mother bought for him when he graduated from college. We gave them $15,000 when they started with IVF. Now my wife thinks we should give them more or even give them a monthly allowance since they depleted much of their savings and he has no prospects of holding a well paying job in his field. I think he should give up his failed music career and look elsewhere for employment although I have no idea what job would need the skills of a musician.
We are thrilled to have a new granddaughter but are torn between helping them financially and not encouraging their entitlement mentality. We are financially able to assist (liquid assets of about $1.5 million) and have plans for our daughters to have an inheritance at our death. If we assist daughter #2, we also want to be fair to daughter #1. We don't want this situation to create a rift between our daughters since they are good friends with each other. What are your suggestions? Should we let them sink or swim? Assist them financially? Put conditions on our willingness to help financially? Between the two of them, they have 5 college degrees. We never thought they would be in this situation.
Happy, but concerned grandparents
Daughter #2 is age 37, married 12 years to a musician, just had a baby girl using IVF. She is a physical therapist who stopped working for a year when the pandemic started and has only worked part time since then. Her husband has a doctorate degree in piano performance. For the past 7 years he has tried unsuccessfully to find a full time university position as a music professor. Instead he gives private piano lessons and performs at different venues, such as music festivals, religious organizations, and retirement communities. He has travel expenses associated with these tours and does not net much money as a result. He inherited some money from his grandparents. Both my daughter and son in law seem to spend their money as fast as they get it on fancy cars, a home that is too expensive for their needs in my opinion, eating out several times weekly, home furnishings etc. The house is worth almost $1 million and over the 12 years of their marriage they have traded up 3 times. His mother initially paid cash for their first home and they own the present house free and clear. The mother continues to pay for many of their living expenses which I don't approve of since they will never learn how to budget or live within their means. She had 2 rounds of IVF before she had a successful pregnancy. The cost has been about $90,000 which has wiped out most of their savings, excluding their IRA accounts. They hired a doula for the delivery and another doula to come to the house each day for at least a month. We think these expenses are unnecessary since he isn't working and can assist with the baby until my daughter is recovered. We know they are hurting for money since he is trying to sell his $30,000 piano that his mother bought for him when he graduated from college. We gave them $15,000 when they started with IVF. Now my wife thinks we should give them more or even give them a monthly allowance since they depleted much of their savings and he has no prospects of holding a well paying job in his field. I think he should give up his failed music career and look elsewhere for employment although I have no idea what job would need the skills of a musician.
We are thrilled to have a new granddaughter but are torn between helping them financially and not encouraging their entitlement mentality. We are financially able to assist (liquid assets of about $1.5 million) and have plans for our daughters to have an inheritance at our death. If we assist daughter #2, we also want to be fair to daughter #1. We don't want this situation to create a rift between our daughters since they are good friends with each other. What are your suggestions? Should we let them sink or swim? Assist them financially? Put conditions on our willingness to help financially? Between the two of them, they have 5 college degrees. We never thought they would be in this situation.
Happy, but concerned grandparents
Statistics: Posted by FBN2014 — Sun Sep 01, 2024 10:02 am — Replies 3 — Views 251